Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Fall Update

Now that we have had our first snow - I thought I better get caught

up on how Fall unfolded. I will do this mostly in photos, since that helps me remember exactly what we did:)! 

We visited Lark Ranch in Loogootee, Indiana and had a really great time! We met Nick, Jessica, Dailee, Matt, and Glenda there and there were all kinds of things to do - hayrides, mechanical bull rides, "gem" mining, horse rides, slides, bouncy houses, corn maze,   yummy food, and we even picked our pumpkins from a patch! The Lark Ranch really is a great family fun-filled place to visit!







In September we attended the annual Antique Show in Elnora, Indiana. Every year this is something that my family looks forward to - such a fun place to explore and relax! My mom, Nana Anna, has a stand there each year and sells vintage aprons and dishes. We usually spend all weekend here, just hanging out with family, camping, helping in any way, and shopping:) 






I forced Max to take a photo in front of his Elemenatry School - North Daviess. I wish I had a photo of myself at this age in front of Odon Elemenatry - I have so many amazing memories from that time in my life…but now the building is torn down and long gone. 

This beautiful couple got married this Fall - I think it's so cool because Logan is my first cousin, while Brooke is Gabe's first cousin:) The wedding was beautiful and we are so excited for them to start their life together! Callie & Max were both in the wedding…everything went smoothly & after the wedding we got to enjoy some great food & the kids danced the night away on the dance floor!












Max had a little run in with a pole while playing kickball with his buddies…crazy kid!!

We also celebrated AunaRay's 3rd Birthday…she is such a sweetie and everyone had a great time!

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Update

I got great news last week - the results came back from the biopsy and everything was clear, no cancer! I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders…although my doctor still wants a decision on whether or not I can handle the symptoms or go ahead with surgery. Honestly, I'm home tonight because I'm experiencing such awful symptoms from this nasty fibroid. 
And I'm seriously debating having this surgery, especially after today when I disappointed both my kids  because of canceling our plans for tonight. I hate, more than anything, to disappoint my children. And between this and my stomach problems - I'm pretty much feeling like a failure. Failure as a mother, failure as a wife, and failure as a friend. Totally down tonight - sorry for all the negativity. 

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Not my idea of fun...

Waiting for a week for test results on whether or not you have cancer is NOT my idea of fun. 

I'm a wreck…grumpy & filled with fear. Not so nice to the ones who mean the most to me. About 3 years ago, right after I had Callie…I started dealing with awful, heavy periods and just not feeling well. I wrote it off to just getting older, having been thru 2 births, etc. But in the back of my mind I knew something wasn't right. I was tired ALL the time - and slept every chance I got. I don't mean like a little tired. More like couldn't keep my eyes open…and sleeping for hours and hours unless someone would wake me up.
Earlier this year I couldn't take it any longer and decided to go to the doctor. She ran all kinds of blood tests and found out my hemoglobin level was at a 7 - which meant I was anemic. Normal levels are 12-15 - my doctor said that if my level didn't come up some after taking iron, I would have to have a blood transfusion. 
I took iron twice a day for a week, and my level went up 1 point. My doctor agreed to let me continue to take iron and try to get my level up to normal. After a month on iron, my levels are now close to normal. After finding out I was anemic - the search was on as to why. Many doctor appointments later - my OBGYN found a fibroid in my uterus the size of a tennis ball. Last week he took a biopsy and I'm waiting on the results. 
My OBGYN doctor asked if Gabe & I are done having kids, because although it is rare for a 33 year old, he would suggest a hysterectomy. It is just too much to take in. My mind can't even wrap itself around all this information. Let alone talk to Gabe about completely erasing the idea of ever having another child. 
Please pray for us. Pray for me that I will let go of the fear & put all my worries in God's hands. Pray for strength and direction. Thank you, friends...

Friday, October 3, 2014

Gone Too Long...

It's been too long since I've sat down and blogged. 
Since I've pushed the laundry aside…ignored the dishes in the sink. There is so much work at home to get done once I get home from my "real" work. 
I don't ever set aside time for myself. 
Time to think and evaluate my life. 
Time to read God's word and let His love wash over me. 

It's time for a night like that. Time to think and blog and rest and read. 
Time to clear these cobwebs from my mind and empty my thoughts onto this computer screen. 

It's raining this Friday night and I love it. I love to sit in my living room and watch it rain thru the huge windows beside the fireplace. It's the exact calm and serene feeling I need at the moment…it is so rare and far between. 

The thing is, I can't even name one thing that has made life so busy and crazy, so frantic and frenzied. It is a culmination of several issues that have driven me to feel so out-of-touch…almost detached. Not from my family, necessarily, but from the world and from my Father. My heart aches for the feeling of closeness that is usually there. 

The summer went by so quickly, and now work and routine have taken over. Fall is in full swing and this is my favorite time of year. I find my heart filling so easily with thankfulness and blessings. I slow down some and take a closer look at everything around me. 


 We did get a chance to get away one weekend - that was so needed and super nice. To just play with the kiddos and explore French Lick - Gabe and I love it there since it is where we got married! Now we get to take the kids there and experience it in a different way. 


Callie turned three years old and started going to Preschool at Odon Christian Church two days a week. Max went when he was her age - he adjusted much better than she did. She still struggles with us leaving her…but it's ok, but I want her to stay little a while longer. She is growing up too fast on me, and I just try to cherish each moment with her. I know just how fast it goes…Max will be 9 next month. It doesn't seem possible…I constantly have flashbacks of Max from each year that has passed. His sweet smile hasn't changed, although he's so tall and his legs have gotten so long:)


Ok, I better go enjoy my family. But I promise not to be gone so long this time. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Summer is Getting Started:)

I didn't really mean to take a blogging break…sometimes it just happens. And that's ok - I think my brain needed a little rest!
Today was Father's Day - we spent the afternoon with the Beasley family, came home for a quick nap, then grilled out with my parents. Today was the first day that it really felt like summer…I'm not sure why, but even though we have been out of school it hasn't really felt like "official" summer. I think some of it had to do with the GORGEOUS day, the kids played in the water with cousins, the smell of the yummy food on the grill…





The kids and I are settling into a routine and starting to relax & have fun in the warm weather. It was so much fun to celebrate Gabe, my dad, and my Grandpa Beasley today:) I did think of my Grandpa Raber alot today and miss him so terribly!! I would have loved to see his big smile today…But I know I am so incredibly blessed with the time I got to spend with him - and for the amazing men who are still an active part of my life today! 
I'm so proud of Gabe - he could not be a better dad to both Max & Callie. Before I can even ask, he is anticipating our needs and meeting them. He coaches Max's teams, takes Callie EVERYWHERE with him (she's a daddy's girl), helps around the house, tucks the kids in with me, and works each and everyday so very hard to provide for us! Here he is with our new sweet nephew, Jamison Carter Wagler! Jamison is sooooo precious & we are excited to add a boy to the family!

Then there is my dad - the foundation of our family. He has worked his entire life as a farmer, and hasn't slowed down at all. He would do anything for his family - ANYTHING. I know he is under stress most of the time and takes so much to heart…but he always makes time to see his kids & grandkids and help in any way he can. I love him so much, and am proud to be his daughter!
I hope everyone found bits and pieces in your day to praise God for…there are blessings all around us! Find yours:)!

Saturday, May 17, 2014

May 2014

I kissed his sweet head as he bounded out the door with his father. As the door closed - I broke down in tears.   They are going on a trip tomorrow, a long trip with his father behind the wheel. No other adults are going, and my baby will be in that car for 8 long hours. I'm worried. No, worried is putting it lightly. 
My first instinct is to drive to his dad's house, grab my son, and bring him home. I've argued and anxiously thought of the what-ifs, I've fretfully paced and chewed every last fingernail down…sleep will not come easily for me tonight. 

 I know in my heart that no matter how much I worry, it is out of my control. I have to remember that God has my sweet boy in His hands…and I wouldn't want Max to be anywhere else!

It's been so long since I've blogged - time has been flying by here and I have been busier then I EVER have! Being a 5th grade teacher is draining and crazy…but so rewarding, too. And my two sweeties are   growing up so fast - Max has one more week in the 2nd grade (he jumps out of bed each morning and is excited to go to school), while Callie is as sassy as ever (always surprising me with things she says). 



 
Gabe works so hard every day to make sure our family has everything we need - he really is the most kind and hard-working person I know (I don't give him enough credit)!!  He has also volunteered to take care of the trees and landscaping stuff at the Odon Park - so he is often working there. We do try to  steal some moments for just our family - relaxing and enjoying the moment. 

Our summer is about to begin - I have two weeks of work left until our summer break! No big plans - we are just ready to enjoy the sunshine!!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Hearts

She is here…all around me. 
My grandma passed away a little over 3 years ago. Unexpectedly…suddenly. Punching me in the stomach, taking my breath away. 
She sends signs when I least expect them. I find hearts in funny places - her way of reminding me that she is watching. She sees me. She sees my kids.
As I'm waking in the morning & still clearing the fog from my head. 
When I decide to take a walk on a bright, clear day. Leaves all around me, but one catching my eye & forcing my heart to pound out of my chest. 

This past weekend, as I was watching my kids play on our new pad of concrete, watching them while they teased each other & giggled in the sunshine…and for some reason I glanced over to the wood pile right beside me. And there it is…a heart placed perfectly on a stump. I can almost feel her hand upon my arm…her heart bursting with love while she watches my two children play. 
And now Grandpa is beside her. Exactly where they always wanted to be. Together. And with Jesus.