Friday, November 7, 2008

11.6.08 Over...

I had to look him straight in the eye and tell him I filed for divorce. My heart was pounding, my eyes filled with tears...but I had to tell him. Heartbreaking - my heart truely broke in that moment. What was thrown back at me was anger, accusations...but I understand - there was nothing left to say except bitter words and blame.

Nothing has ever hurt like this, the only other time I can remember feeling this way is when my "Aunt" Susie passed away. For me this is somewhat like a death - a death of a marriage that I fought with all my heart and soul to keep alive. I know there will be many who disagree with my decision...but I can't spend the rest of my life worrying about what others think about what I've done. I have to do what I know must be done. I don't know why I'm going thru this pain, but one thing I do know is God has a plan for my life.


I have to pull it together...Max's 3rd birthday is this weekend and he needs me now more than ever. I have to put aside the tears, the heartache, the questions and just be "mommy" this weekend - be what Max needs me to be. Pray for our "little" family now...me and max. Also pray for Gil, who I know is also dealing with a broken heart, just in a different way than I am.

Most of you have probably heard this song...the lyrics have been running thru my head the past few days...

Thought I couldn't live without you,

It's gonna hurt when it heals, too.

It will get better in time.

Even though I love you,

I'm gonna smile because I deserve to.

It will get better in time.


Since there's no more you and me,

This time I let you go so I can be free,

and live my life how it should be,

No matter how hard it is

I will be fine without you...



16 comments:

Chasity said...

oh Abbie...my heart is breaking for you. I've been in your shoes - and they're not comfortable shoes at all! Find comfort in your faith for it will sustain you. Love you hon!

Kayna Clidienst said...

Abbie,
I can only imagine the emotions that you are going through right now. Just remember that you have loving friends and family that will be here until the end of time for you to lean on. All that you have to do is allow them to help you!! Don't worry about what other people think, enjoy your life with your friends, family, and beautiful little boy!!! Keep your head up and know that you will get through this with the support of everyone around you.
We all love you!

Chelsa said...

Abbie- I am thinking of you and praying for you. You've been on my heart so much. Enjoy your weekend w/ your little man as you celebrate his birthday!

Desiree' Knepp said...

Abbie-honestly it doesn't matter what other people think of you, you are the only one who has to live the life you are in! God will see you through this, and will not turn away from you! You will find peace with it, and if it wasn't supposed to happen it won't..Stay strong for Max! Your in my prayers! Enjoy your bday wkd with Max, I know I will enjoy Dru's Bday Sunday :-) Can't believe he's growing so fast! Love & Prayers!

Alyssa said...

i love you & i'm praying for you.
that's all you need to hear. no other words will do any good. =]
lyss

sarah said...

Abbie- I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know that with life there are so many challanges to overcome. You will get through this with Max by your side. You and Max are in my prayers and thoughts always. I love you both so much, and just know that I am always here if you just need a friend to talk to. People will talk, but you only need to worry about you and Max. Love ya lots:) Sarah

Laura Raber said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers sweetheart. There's a song by Jackie Valesquez that I used to sing called "I will rest in you." It was like a lullaby for me when I was going through difficult times. Peace and comfort to you and Max. Love, Laura

Leah Robinson said...

Abbie,

We've talked about this before, but only God knows your heart! He knows and loves you so much! I know without a doubt He has heard your prayers!

I learned a LONG time ago, it doesn't matter what others think of you! You do your best, and that's all we can do! It doesn't make it any easier though...but it does help to get you through it!

You will continue to be in my prayers hun!

Jamie said...

Hey Abbie...I'm sorry you are going through this time of heartache...I've never been in your shoes, so it is hard for me to relate with "how it feels". I do know, however, that if you keep your eyes up and practice your life according to God's will, your life, your mistakes, your decisions, will all be ok.

The Jeffers Clan said...

Abbie,
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You are a strong woman and only you know what's right. You are such a wonderful mom. Your family will be in my prayers.
Lacy

Jamie said...

Abbie - My heart breaks for you and your family, but I know there must be some relief now.
Your little guy means so much to Emma.
My parents divorced when I was in elementary school so I know there are tough times ahead for Max but I know with your strength you will make it through. Love and prayers.

Jamie said...

KKRKRRKKRKRK5K5J4LKTP4K5K54K5K5PRO5I5I4I4I4I4I4I4I44UEUWHSASNAHBVACXEGAGAOKQO39304OROTIRKTKT,GG.G,V

This messege is to Max from Emma: It says Maxwell Carter. LOL :)

Lauren said...

Romans 8:1-2

Anonymous said...

You will never be able to deny Gil his son. i hope you have read up on the Indiana Guidelines for divorced parents, because you will not be able to control when he sees HIS son. It is not always all about YOU.

The Jeffers Clan said...

Abbie, still praying for you, Gil, and Max. Keep your head up girl! There will be extrememe highs and lows. Remember the following!

2 Corinthians 8:21
For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men.

2 Corinthians 7:2
Make room for us in your hearts. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have exploited no one

Ashley said...

Idk who that anonymous person is, but they sure are immature. You are doing what is best for you and your son. I didn't know you were ever denying anyone of anything...but I guess that's not really my place to jump in. Either way, I'm praying for you, Gil, and Max. May God's grace get you through this difficult time in your lives.