Monday, February 6, 2012

End of my rope...

I've become a person I don't want to be. Not sure how to change it...sleep deprivation has turned me into a desperate, ready-to-snap-at-any-moment, depressed mama. I bite my husband's head off over any little thing, have no paitence with Max, feel myself dissolving into tears when Callie fusses. I promise this is not me. It's not who I was before and it's not who I want to be. It's not who my Father made me.

Callie is 6 months old and sleeps very little during the day. Each nap lasting 10-20 min...1 in the morning, 1 in the afternoon, and 1 in the evening. We are all sleeping by around 8:30 or 9 pm at night - then the fun begins. Callie wakes up about every 2 hours. She screams until we feed her...although sometimes she might only eat 1 ounce. Between the times that she wakes up screaming, she sleeps extremely lightly and very fitfully. Tossing and turning the ENTIRE time, back-and-forth, back-and-forth. I do not sleep thru this...so I lay awake waiting on her to wake up crying again. I can honestly say I get about 3 hours of sleep each night. And get up and go to work teaching children everyday, come home to all the household everyday stuff, and dread (yet pray... so torn) for bedtime to come.

Just being honest here, guys. I don't mean to sound grumpy, whiney, and annoying on here...but then again, I am all of these things right now. I can't stand my attitude and selfishness right now, but don't know how to turn things around. I'm really needing prayers right now - could you help me with that? I would soooo appreciate it!

So that this post is not a total downer, I will leave you with some pictures I've taken in the last month or so. Pictures always make things better, right??:)

Max with his 100th day of school stuff...
My little smiley girl...
My Grandpa Raber's 89th birthday celebration...
My little bball players:)
Janae and Callie
Me and my girl...

Kisses...

9 comments:

Tara said...

Abbie - you are describing MY life and My sleep pattern as well. Nolan is 5 months and in the SAME funk.... call me, I can offer moral support! I just keep saying this too shall pass! I realize that's not much comfort in the midst of the tears, but it may be helpful to know others feel your pain. Not even the Kardashians can help this tired momma at 3 am!

Chelsa said...

I think anyone only getting that amount of sleep each night (for an extended period of time especially) would feel the same way.

I'll be praying for you! (but I think you're being kind of hard on yourself!).

The Gingerich Girls said...

Abbie, I completely understand what you're going through. I am dealing with the same attitude myself, but alittle different circumstances. Stay strong, cling on to God and he will get you through it. I don't know how many times I have fell to my knees praying for him to help me through what is happening in my life. Although I look back to other times in my life and I think I got through that, I can get through this too. But each time God had a hold of me walking right there beside me. Showing me my blessings along the way. Prayers being said for you.

Whitney Dyer said...

I believe my daughter and yours are clones! This is pretty much how Peyton is as well. Hates sleep and tosses and turns so much! So if you need to talk, I'm here for ya because I know how it is. But I know it won't be like this for long, which helps me get through it. I just keep telling myself she will get better and with the good, comes the bad. Stay strong-we can get through this! My friend told me that once they get regular amounts of baby food, it will help them. I'm not sure where you are at with the food, but maybe that will help fill her belly. Prayer sent your way until then!

Kathy Kellen said...

Praying for you Abbie! I'll write you a longer email soon! Just know that you are loved and lifted up in prayer!!

The Armes Family said...

You just described Grant!!! He NEVER slept and I felt like a zombie!!! He wouldn't sleep at night and would nap 10-20 minutes here and there throughout the day!! We laugh because the first night we brought Kohen home from the hospital Kohen slept 9 hours straight and Grant got up 3 times!!!!!!!!!! Thank goodness my momma was on Grant duty!! If your anything like me you don't like to give your babies up on the weekends after working all week....but maybe you should let grandma step in for a saturday and you can rest!!! I will be praying for you!!! PS...I like the quote that Tara said...This to shall pass....Jenn got a tatoo that said that after Brian died!!

Ashley said...

I can't relate to what you are going through but I can understand how little sleep can make you a different person. I know I would feel awful! Let others help if they offer and make a day soon for just you b/c I know how much just one day can make a difference!

On a brighter side spring break will be here before you know it and that will give you a little bit of a break:) Hang in there!

Brittany Janae said...

:( praying for you, Abbie!

Leah Robinson said...

I think all of us momma's have been there, and Tara is correct...this too shall pass!! You need some rest momma =)