Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Tantrum

Sometimes being a parent is so darn hard.
I finally got Max to settle in and fall asleep...after lots of sobbing and wailing. His breathing has finally slowed and become deep and heavy, reassuring me it will be ok. 
HE WILL BE OK. 

It started out with a simple question - I asked him when the Vetren's Day program was taking place at his school. He says "the 12th," which is Monday...in just a few days. I knew the first grade was singing 1 or 2 songs during the program, but never really thought twice about it. 
Next he asks "You're coming, right, Mom?" I could tell by the look on his face that my answer was very important to him. There isn't a mom on this earth who wants to disappoint their child. But I had to quietly answer "I have to go to work, Bub." Before I knew what hit me, the sobbing started. I honestly didn't know it would hurt him so much...be so very important. 
Thoughts and explanations were running through my head. 
...I'm already taking off Wednesday morning to take both kiddos to the Dr.
....There are children at school counting on me to be there. 
....My boss won't understand.
....I can't use another one of my limited days off. 
....
....
....
Max looked at me and sobbed - "But what has all my hard work been for, Mom?" My heart broke in two. 
I immediately thought about how I could relate. I have thrown this tantrum many times. I have sobbed and cried and wailed before my Heavenly Father. I have thrown up my hands and asked Him - "What good is all this hard work?" There are times that I fall to my knees and beg for answers, question Him, want to quit. 
He patiently listens...just as I try to do to Max. He soothes me while I begin to calm down, and tries to ease my anxiety and fears. He stays with me until I fall asleep and dream sweet dreams. 
And just like Max will never know how much I love him, how much I want to be there for every moment, every second of his life...so my Heavenly Father feels even more for me. And just as I am willing to sacrifice anything and everything for Max's well-being...my Father offered the ultimate sacrifice in order to save me. 

As I kiss Max's cheek and smooth the covers tight around him, I whisper softly in his ear "I will be at your program, baby." He doesn't hear; he is already fast asleep. But I believe that he already knows...I hope he knows he can count on his Mama.
And most importantly, we can put ALL our trust in Jesus. 

4 comments:

Mandi Knepp said...

oh Abbie... you have me in tears. This is an amazing post, in many ways!
You are doing such a good job, keep up the hard work! Love you guys...

A Divine Day said...

I am in tears!!! Bless his heart! You are an amazing momma and your kiddos are so lucky to have you as their mom!!

Tera said...

So sweet! It's hard being a mom!!

Ashley said...

It is hard seeing anyone cry but a child is even harder. I know you are an amazing mom! Your posts always touch me.