Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Journal

I feel like I haven't used my blog as a "journal" lately...I've mostly been just posting photos of the kids. When I originally started this blog, I used it as a personal journal and I miss going back and getting to read about what was going on in my life at specific times. And since I print my blog posts into a yearly "blog book," I want to get back into writing more on each post. 


Callie is 10 months old and crawling around EVERYWHERE!! She is into everything - keeping me on my toes and always making me smile. She has so much excitement inside of her, she often doesn't even know what to do with it...she sits and laughs, twisting and turning her feet & hands. I can't help but kiss on her constantly, especially since I think she is my last baby! I try not to take a single moment with her for granted, because I know first-hand just how fast they grow (from watching Max grow up so fast). When I'm not being totally consumed with chasing this little booger around - 

there is alot of other stuff going on in my life. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have struggled with my stomach for a very long time. Those problems are back and in full force...limiting me from getting out of the house very much. I try not to let it effect me, but fear & anxiety hold me back alot. I hate to think that because I am sick all the time, that my kids might miss out on seeing and doing things that other kids get to do. It is very difficult for me to take them anywhere or do much of anything without looking for the nearest bathroom and worrying about my next stomach "attack." I don't like to travel in a car for more then 10 or 20 minutes - which I know is just crazy...but fear holds me back from so much. I also have to go to a doctor in Indy in a few weeks to talk about having surgery for some problems I am experiencing from delivering my two kids. These problems are only heightening my fear & anxiety I experience with my stomach problems - so to say I'm just a total mess right now would pretty much sum it up. 

Max is at his dad's tonight - here is a photo of him from baseball this year - he is really getting so tall &
lean!

It is never easy...the back & forth between Max's dad and I. He wants more time...my heart breaks each time Max is away. I always knew, no matter what type of decisions I made, Max might be hurt in the process. We really try to protect him from it all - but sometimes as adults our tempers rage at each other & it seeps out into the child's life. I pray that no matter who he is with or what he is doing - he never feels the stress or anger that passes between his parents. His heart is all that matters...I only want his complete happiness. I know his dad & I have to continue to strive to put him first, put our personal anger aside, make grown-up/faith-filled decisions and model behavior that we want to see in our son one day. It's hard work - I'm tellin' ya, super hard work - but Max is more than worth it!!

So now that you are caught up - I think that is enough for tonight. But I'm gonna try to continue to update everyone on all the ins & outs of the Swartzentruber household. Thanks for listening:)

10 comments:

f.t.g. said...

Callie is really changing! thx for sharing too i will keep ya in my prayers - one of my faves is psalm 103:1-5; i also gain peace from the reminder of...one day at a time - stay strong,sweet girl

Chelsa said...

Callie is getting so big!

Praying for you and your health sweet lady!

Kathy Kellen said...

Callie is beautiful!!
I'm concerned for your health, Abbie! Praying for you!!
Let's talk soon!
Love to you and your family!!

Whitney Dyer said...

Sweet prayers for you!

A Divine Day said...

I know all to well the back and forth and trying to keep the anger between ex's away from the child. It is hard at times. KK will be 16 this year and it seems like once or twice a yr her dad and I have a huge blow up. I absolutely hate it and we always get past it but if I could go back I would try harder to shield it from her. It really does make an impression on them seeing their parents argue. My only advice (my only sanity thru it all)....PRAY! It calms me down, helps me see his perspective (even if I don't agree) and helps me talk calmly and rationally the next time we disagree. Prayers to you! And I have the same stomach issues....so I know how you feel:( Hope things go well at ur Drs appt! I'll be thinking about you!

Ashley said...

I hope the doctor can help your stomach problems you are having! I hate that it limits more of what you want to do:( I know the metformin I am taking bothers my stomach some in the evenings to the point I skip taking the dose for that day b/c I hate the way it makes me feel. I know bad me! But it is no fun! I will be praying for you hun!!

Jamie said...

You have such a beautiful family, Abbie! Praying for peace and good health!

Amy said...

I know what you mean with the stomach attacks. I had them for 5 years. They started when I was in high school and I missed a lot of stuff due to fear that I would be somewhere and get sick. Praying that it heals soon or you find something that helps!

Jill said...

Sorry to hear about your stomach issues. You might look into seeing a holistic/integrated dr too. Jessica Cornelius Bowman referred me to a dr in Indy that was pretty good. They might suggest a change in your diet (like eliminating grains or dairy or something like that). Most drs nowadays seem to just want to give you medicine to fix everything instead of looking at what we're actually putting into our bodies. I'll be praying for you though! It's definitely not fun to be sick, especially when raising little ones.

Tera said...

Abbie- I am so sorry your belly is bothering you again. Like Jill said, I know you've tried to limit certain things from your diet after going to Mayo and stuff. I just wish someone could find the trigger for you! Ugh! I hate that it limits your activities and of course being sick is no fun. :( Praying for you!! Love you lots!!