Callie is 10 months old and crawling around EVERYWHERE!! She is into everything - keeping me on my toes and always making me smile. She has so much excitement inside of her, she often doesn't even know what to do with it...she sits and laughs, twisting and turning her feet & hands. I can't help but kiss on her constantly, especially since I think she is my last baby! I try not to take a single moment with her for granted, because I know first-hand just how fast they grow (from watching Max grow up so fast). When I'm not being totally consumed with chasing this little booger around -
there is alot of other stuff going on in my life. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have struggled with my stomach for a very long time. Those problems are back and in full force...limiting me from getting out of the house very much. I try not to let it effect me, but fear & anxiety hold me back alot. I hate to think that because I am sick all the time, that my kids might miss out on seeing and doing things that other kids get to do. It is very difficult for me to take them anywhere or do much of anything without looking for the nearest bathroom and worrying about my next stomach "attack." I don't like to travel in a car for more then 10 or 20 minutes - which I know is just crazy...but fear holds me back from so much. I also have to go to a doctor in Indy in a few weeks to talk about having surgery for some problems I am experiencing from delivering my two kids. These problems are only heightening my fear & anxiety I experience with my stomach problems - so to say I'm just a total mess right now would pretty much sum it up.
Max is at his dad's tonight - here is a photo of him from baseball this year - he is really getting so tall &
It is never easy...the back & forth between Max's dad and I. He wants more time...my heart breaks each time Max is away. I always knew, no matter what type of decisions I made, Max might be hurt in the process. We really try to protect him from it all - but sometimes as adults our tempers rage at each other & it seeps out into the child's life. I pray that no matter who he is with or what he is doing - he never feels the stress or anger that passes between his parents. His heart is all that matters...I only want his complete happiness. I know his dad & I have to continue to strive to put him first, put our personal anger aside, make grown-up/faith-filled decisions and model behavior that we want to see in our son one day. It's hard work - I'm tellin' ya, super hard work - but Max is more than worth it!!
So now that you are caught up - I think that is enough for tonight. But I'm gonna try to continue to update everyone on all the ins & outs of the Swartzentruber household. Thanks for listening:)