it's all-reaching and suffocating.
Tonight I spoke to my sister-in-law on the phone. I guess she would technically be my "ex-sister-in-law" - but I refuse to say that. She is a huge part of my life - has been for about 7 years. We didn't see each other all the time - only about once a week, but we just had this connection. She is so strong - just one of those women who can do it all. She is the sister I never had, someone I look up to and can talk to about anything. Which is why tonight made my heart hurt - and made me smile all at once.
She joked that she had lost her photographer (I was always the one who took pictures of all the kids)...and she said that no one could ever replace the photographer she lost. I'm not trying to lay our whole conversation out on the blog world - but I just had to say how much joy that brought me...and how I've cried about it secretly after I got off the phone. It is just another reminder of what I have lost. What Max has lost...how our lives have changed in so many unmistakable ways.
I know all this craziness is going to CHANGE our relationship...I just hope it doesn't HURT it. I love that girl, and will always hold her close to my heart.