Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Broken...

The splitting apart of our little family has been hard in more ways then I can list. Each phase has knocked the wind out of me, unraveled my security as if it were an old sweater -
it's all-reaching and suffocating.

Tonight I spoke to my sister-in-law on the phone. I guess she would technically be my "ex-sister-in-law" - but I refuse to say that. She is a huge part of my life - has been for about 7 years. We didn't see each other all the time - only about once a week, but we just had this connection. She is so strong - just one of those women who can do it all. She is the sister I never had, someone I look up to and can talk to about anything. Which is why tonight made my heart hurt - and made me smile all at once.

She joked that she had lost her photographer (I was always the one who took pictures of all the kids)...and she said that no one could ever replace the photographer she lost. I'm not trying to lay our whole conversation out on the blog world - but I just had to say how much joy that brought me...and how I've cried about it secretly after I got off the phone. It is just another reminder of what I have lost. What Max has lost...how our lives have changed in so many unmistakable ways.

I know all this craziness is going to CHANGE our relationship...I just hope it doesn't HURT it. I love that girl, and will always hold her close to my heart.

4 comments:

Tera said...

Awww...I think she's great too! I've missed her also, since I used to get to see her occasionally with you. Please tell her I'm praying for her little bean...can't wait to hear the name as I'm sure it will be a good one!! Love you!

Leah Robinson said...

That is one thing I have to say was hard at first for me too! At the beginning of any break-up you have family members that feel like they have to "pick sides". And that's just natural......But we all had this unspoken rule that we wouldn't let OUR relationship change just b/c I wasn't with Bobby anymore! I think we have a stronger relationship now than we did before! I talk to his sisters at least once a week still and his mom is still like a MIL to me! You just have to make a promise to not let that bond go! That will also make it easier and less awkward for Max in the future :) I think you're doing a wonderful job Abbie!

Jen said...

Just wanted to say that I think you are a Rock Star! Hang in there and know how many people care and pray for you daily. I cannot even fathom what you are going through or have went through. Just know that I always love to check your blog and read your insight. When you started posting bc you knew it would touch someone, somewhere, you were right!

Chelsa said...

most of the time change does hurt. i'm still praying for you!