Guilty...

So have you ever felt really guilty about something and it seems like God just keeps reminding you of it....every time you turn around you are reminded of what you didn't do, or what you should have done. Well, a couple of weeks ago I decided I was gonna start setting my alarm for 20 min. earlier than usual and spend that time reading my Bible (thought it would be a good way to "prepare" me for each day). The first couple of days were great - despite the wierd looks I got from my mom and brothers (because they know I'm not a morning person and would give anything for 5 min. of extra sleep). I was feeling great about what I was reading and it just gave me that little push I needed to get my day started:)

But then it happened.... I was extra tired one morning and decided to press the snooze button...and it's all gone down hill since then! I just keep finding excuses to stay in bed those 20 extra min. in the morning...but this morning I woke up and my eyes went directly to my Bible. I knew that I needed to make time...but there was so much to do! So I picked up my Bible, stuck it in my purse, and hauled it with me to school. When I got a few min. - I opened it up and started reading. Here is what I found in Lamentations 3:19-23:

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness...

And I realized that God is giving me a new chance every morning...to get up, study His word, sit quietly and wait for His touch. I don't need to dwell on what I haven't done - I just need to wake up tomorrow morning and take advantage of this new "chance" he has given me!! As I just ran and picked up something for lunch I heard a song that has a great chorus (Sorry, I can't remember who sings it...) but the chorus is :

Everything is fine, fine, fine,
thru the sunshine and the rain,
I've got a piece of mind,
that you know I can't explain.
I make it a point to thank the Lord,
when I've got him on the line. '
I'm feeling good and everything is fine:)!!

I guess that is how I'm feeling today:) The kids here at school are bouncing off the walls because it is almost time to change into their costumes for our annual "Fall Parade!" After they show off their costumes, they have their Fall parties - so lots of sugar, pop, and all that junk:) Ha ha!! I'm in charge of pictures, so I better get in gear! Have a very happy halloween, everyone!

My son, the monster...

Today I was supposed to have a "photo shoot" with Max and his cousins (all the Toy grandkids)...let's just say it didn't go so well. As soon as I picked up Max it was very evident to me that he had not had a nap today - but I thought "hey, maybe he will pose for a few pictures:)" Wow - was I WRONG!! All the kids were dressed in red, in great moods, it was a perfect day...but my little monster was determined NOT to cooperate!! Here are the few pictures we took - and you can see that they get progressively worse!! Me, my mother-in-law, and my sister-in-law even started threatening to take away birthday presents (Max's birthday is in about 2 weeks) but that didn't even phase him...
At least I got a good one of Jace and his new brother, Kolten! Then we decided to move the shoot inside - but it didn't go any better!!

This was our last photo - look at Sebastian, can you tell how "done" everyone was with taking pictures?? Ha ha!! O well...I guess when you get that many young kids together for pictures it's never gonna be perfect:) Maybe I'll get some good pictures next time!!

Request in the middle of the night...

"Turn on the big light!"

This is what woke me up at 4:30 a.m. this morning...Max yelling "Turn on the big light!" What in the world?? I tried to convince him otherwise, but for some reason my son thought that we needed to sleep with the light turned on - and instead of him crying for an hour about it, I turned the light on. I know, I know, I gave in. Now - why did he want the light on? I HAVE NO CLUE...but it did make me think about some things.

Many times God is referred to as light - when we are living in darkness, God wants to be that light that shines bright and leads us toward home. As I was laying there at 4:30 a.m. with a blinding light in my face instead of the darkness I wanted to embrace, I began to not even mind because I thought about God shining down on Max and I. He is always there...watching over us, even when we are asleep (or want to be sleeping:) I think God sent this as a reminder that he is STILL here for me - always. No matter what time of day, no matter how many times I forget to thank Him, no matter how many times I've lost my paitence with Max that day, no matter how many times I turn my back. HE IS THERE. I don't know if any of this makes sense at all, but this is what was going thru my head in the early morning hours...

I have to post about this weekend too. Max and I traveled with the whole Toy family to Indy for Alex (Gil's younger brother) and Heather's wedding. We had a really nice, relaxing weekend:) Friday night we had the rehearsal - Max was the ringbrearer in the wedding. Then Sat. was filled with decorating for the reception, pictures, the wedding, the reception, and then back to the hotel. Sunday we took our time and slept in, then headed home. Everyone had lots of fun and the wedding was beautiful:) Here are a few pictures from the weekend...

Max holding baby Kolten (Alex and Heather's son) at the rehearsal

Gil, Max, and Anastasia swimming at the hotel... Max and his cousins, Anastasia and Sebastian on Sat. before the wedding

Max posing in his little tux - he looked like such a little man!! Max and Gil all dressed up before the wedding!! Of course he won't smile for a picture with his mom!!

My sweet little man, before he walked down the aisle as ring bearer The bride and groom - getting ready to have a cake fight! What now???

Nick and Jaymie Toy, with their kids Sebastian and Anastasia Gil and Max at the receptionDancing the night away!! His favorite move was a breakdancing move...and DJ even gave Max a shoutout!!!!!

Monday blues...

What a day...I really don't like Mondays. It was just one of those days when you feel like you are already behind when you get up!! Then I just went and went at work, straight to pick up Max, the craziness always starts then:) ha ha!! To make a long story short...it was just one of those days when I felt like I didn't have a moment to breath!!

I also had a "lovely" conversation with Gil on the phone - ok, if you can't tell I'm being sarcastic...but I'm not even going into that! He has informed me that several people have told him they feel sorry for him that I have this blog and write things about him - and he can't defend himself. I feel terrible that people feel that way - but I don't feel that I have anything to apologize for. I did not start this blog to smear Gil's name - only to tell the truth about what I'm dealing with on a daily basis...and to let people know that my life is not perfect. Far from it...

I just wanted to share a few photos from this past weekend - Max and I went to Lincoln's bday party - his mom is my cousin, Chelsea Walls. Anyway - it was such a great party because the weather was perfect (yeah fall!!) and everyone just had so much fun:)!! We had chili and hotdogs, cake, brownies, and all kinds of yummy things:)!! The kids had tons of fun running around outside, riding Lincoln's bike with a squirrel tail tapped on it, opening presents, and blowing birthday horns:) Here are some pictures I snapped:

All the kids wishing they were on a 4-wheeler ride:)!! Looking thru the bday presents before the birthday boy even gets to!! All the kids blowing their birthday horns!!

Max loved the birthday horns!!

Fall Break

I'm not sure why God has chosen to bless me in so many different ways...not sure at all why he chose me (little ole' me) to raise this sweet little boy he created!! Last night I was exhausted because we had parent/teacher conferences - ended up getting home about 9 p.m. - so Max and I were ready to climb into bed when we got home. Once we settled in, he squeezed me around the neck and said "Mom, I love you really, really bad." I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time...thinking what did I do to deserve this?...why does this little man love me so unconditionally! And as I thought about it, I decided I didn't do anything to deserve it - God just loves me so much as His child and wanted me to experience that type of love with my own child. One small phrase from Max, but it made such a huge impact on my heart!

So parent/teacher conferences are over, today we get out of school at 11 a.m., and tomorrow I have a whole day to just do whatever I want (and whatever Max wants:)!! Tonight I want to take Max to the Pumpkin Festival in Odon...all the kids wear costumes and there are all kinds of games, contests, and great foods! They also do a free 8 X 10 photo of your child in his halloween costume:) The only problem is...Max is terrified of his costume!! It is a hand-me-down from his cousin Nick - a green dinosaur, but Max he very scared of it and says he is not putting it on! What a silly boy! I guess we will just go and enjoy ourselves anyway:)!! Here is a picture of Max in his costume last Halloween - a little doctor!!

Max and his cousin Hannah Beasley- Halloween 07

I hope everyone has a great weekend - don't forget the movie "Fireproof" is playing at Washington and Vincennes this weekend and it is supposed to be a GREAT movie!!

So I was just hoping that Monday would not come...but as the alarm screamed in my ear this morning I thought "Shoot! I have to get out of bed!" I know after every weekend I blog about how amazing my weekend has been - but it's the truth!! Why can't every day be a "weekend day?" Max and I had alot of mother/son bonding time this weekend - which is probably why he cried when I left him at the babysitter's this morning! It broke my heart...but I know he was probably fine 5 min. after I walked out the door! So here is what our weekend consisted of:

Friday night me and Max had a "date" night. I let him pick anything he wanted for supper - which of course he chose McDonalds (what kids wouldn't??) and then we took our food to the park where we ate, played, and feed the ducks. Then we headed to the movies to watch "Beverly Hills Chiauahua (spelling?) We had such a great time...chowing down on popcorn, pop, and a huge bag of reeses pieces - we both had stomach aches that night:) ha ha!! I just love spending time with my little man!!

Then on Sat. we met Gil in Loogootee and headed to the Lark Ranch - what a great little place to take kids - and Gil and I enjoyed it just as much:)!! We went last year too, but this year Max really got into it and loved petting the animals, picking out a pumpkin, and playing in the "cornbox" (their play on a sandbox:)!! We left there and headed to Maury's (our preacher at Harvest) for a big party with cotton candy and inflatables. Then me and Max headed home to take a quick nap before the next party - some old classmates of mine invited lots of our classmates over and we had such a great time!! I got to see some people I hadn't seen in awhile - and Max enjoyed playing with the other kids:)!! Here are some pictures from that BIG day:

I had to take this picture of Max on Sat. morning, because I thought he looked so grown up!! Me and Max taking a self portrait:)!! Max and his Daddy giving the "thumbs up" at Lark Ranch! Me and Max at Lark Ranch! Petting a pony at Lark Ranch....

Playing in the corn at Lark Ranch... Finally found the perfect pumpkin...here are the boys showing off their big find:)!! Time for cotton candy at Maury's house...Max was in heaven!You can almost see the little wheels turning in that head...how am I gonna get mom to agree to more cotton candy??My best friend from high school, Jen Petit (Straus) that I hadn' t seen in almost a year!! I just love her!

One of my best friends, Sarah Wise (Swartzentruber) and I...love her too:)!! Max and his buddy Allison at Denise and Paul's party:)!

Then yesterday Max had his cousin Nick over to play all day...so I went horse back riding with one of my friends and then ended the night with ice cream from Scoops...I doesn't get much better than that:)! This week is crazy busy with a conference I'm attending on Tuesday, Parent/Teacher conferences on Wed., and Fall Break:)! Hope everyone is having a good Monday - talk to ya next time!!

Serenaded...

So this morning on the way to work I was listening to my mom's new Sugarland CD (she let me borrow it) and this song comes on and I truely felt like God was serenading me!! It was as if he wrote this song and set it up for me to hear it at the perfect moment...just when I needed to hear it!! Here is part of the lyrics to this song:

When the weight of the world bears down so strong
You leave footprints on the street
And there's too many miles to face
Without a few more hours sleep
The storm clouds overhead won't shed
Any rain to quench your thirst
I wanna be the one you reach for first

When your faith is stretched so thin
That you can see straight through your soul
And you can't find a nickel to buy a smile
Cause your pockets all got holes
You wanna shut the door and hide
Before the day can get much worse
I wanna be the one you reach for first

Fall into me
My arms are open wide
And you don't have to say a word
Cause I already see
That it's hard and you're scared
And you're tired and it hurts
And I wanna be the one you reach for first...

Wow - what a cool message to get from God:)!!
Also - like everyone else I have been tagged:) Here are my 6 facts about myself that most people don't know:)

*Me and Max sleep snuggled together every night:)! I know it's a bad habit, but with all the craziness going on in our lives - sometimes I think it is our way of "clinging" to some sort of comfort and stability...He wraps his arm around my neck and when I wake in the morning I am always pushed to the very edge of the bed with half my body hanging off the bed:)!

*I am obsessed with pancakes covered in peanut butter and syrup. I could seriously eat them for every meal!! Actually...I think there was one day when I did eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner:) oopps!!!!

*I was in gymnastics for several years - could do all the flips and junk like that:) It was so much fun and there are so many times where I just want to do a random backhandspring out of nowhere - but I know I would probably throw my back out:)!! Ha ha!!

*Max is named after Gil's grandmother, Maxine Jones. She passed away a few years ago, but she was always sooooo full of spunk and ornery! And the name could not fit my little boy any better - he reminds me of her ALOT!!

*Every Wednesday morning after I drop Max off in Loogootee at my mother-in-laws I HAVE to go thru McDonald's drive thru and get a sweet ice tea with extra ice!! I drink it all day (it lasts all day cause I am a sipper:)!!

*My favorite thing to do to relax is soak in a steaming hot bath with a good book - I love to read and do it everytime I get a chance!!

Ok - I think just about everyone has been tagged, so I will just leave it at that:)!! Hang in there everyone - only two more work days until the weekend!!

Picture crazy!!

What an amazing weekend!!!!! The weather was gorgeous and we spent alot of time outside...just doing silly stuff that made my little Maxwell happy:) We started out the weekend with some farming - Uncle Cole took Max out to watch Papa Delbert combine...and of course minutes later Max was climbing up for a ride:)!! He told his Papa that when he gets bigger, he wants to be a farmer! He said he will drive the big combine, and dad can drive Jeff's (a guy that works for my dad) little tractor with the wagon on the back! They are so sweet together - my dad thinks the world revolves around Max!!

Then on Friday evening we just played outside - enjoyed the weather, listened to music, played basketball with Clay and Gabe, and rode bikes. Those are my favorite kind of evenings...nothing planned and just hanging out at my mom and dads! Here are a few pictures from that night:)!

Hanging out in Uncle Clay's ride...jamming to a new CD! Me and my brother, Clayton Lee!Clay and Max playing basketball! Me and Max hanging out:)!! Gabe taking a spin on Max's bike:)!!

Then on Saturday Max spent the day with his Dad (who had his first 8 hour pass from the Lighthouse). They went to Jace and Sebastian's soccer game, played outside, and just had a good time in general! I spent that time having my second yard sale and then trying to get the rest of my stuff packed at the house. Then Mamaw Gina (Gil's mom) kept Max all night (since they don't get to see him often enough) - so I had a night out at Regina and Stoogie's reception/party:) We had a REALLY great time - it was like a little family reunion for me (since most of my family was there!!) Here are some photos from that night - Me and Alyssa - we were probably getting into some type of trouble:)! Jessica, Clay and Audrey at Kirkland farm!! We decided we "owned" this place:) Look at Stoogie in the background! My dad with my Uncle Darrell and Uncle Roger - singing their hearts out to a bluegrass song!! Stoogie and Gabriel being all buddy-buddy:)!!

Then yesterday me and Max went to church with Gil at harvest (there was an awesome guest speaker and we sang my favorite song...You are worthy!) Then we got hair cuts at Fiesta and ate Arbys:) After that we went home to watch the Colts game - what a good game!! Then me, Max, and Clay spent the rest of the night cleaning out me, Clay, and Gabe's vehicles:) They look brand new now:)!! Ok - so I have a couple more pictures and then I'm done. I must have been picture crazy this weekend!! But it was such a great weekend that I wanted to catch every minute on camera!! Max was sitting so perfectly still for his haircut! Time for the clippers - he always says this tickles! What a cutiepie - that's my boy!!! Hope everyone had a great weekend - talk to ya soon:)!!